2003-02-23 - 7:43 p.m.

Argh! I so badly wanted to change my template, but diaryland won�t let me. Well, I have to get these thoughts out there, so we�ll have to make do with this format. Ok. Now, I think I�ve found an answer to the question of the meaning of my life. I�ve searched far and wide, alternating between a complete dismissal of the subject as irrelevant to vague concepts such as �the pursuit of happiness�, etc. I have recently come to the conclusion that I must follow a path of active personal idealism. While I cannot remember a time when my thoughts weren�t idealistic in nature, I�ve finally come to see that enduring those thoughts without acting upon them is to suffer them in vain. Essentially, as my mother tried to teach me (albeit for different purposes), spiritual faith without works is dead. If I�m not going to at least attempt to effect my ideologies I might as well not think at all. Knowing this, I need to do two things. First, I need to refine my concepts through education and reflection. This process will not end until I have breathed my last breath. I do not intend to secure myself within a belief system(s) as I find the very concept of beliefs too rigid, so inflexible at times to render one devoid of thought. In other words, adhering to fixed beliefs leads to intellectual atrophy. I will do my best to form intelligent opinions that remain open to persuasion. Secondly, I must find ways to put my ideas into practice. While this is likely to be the most difficult part of the deal, it will also be the most satisfying. On a personal level, I must strive to ensure that I am living up to my ideals. To do anything else would be, in effect, a sin against my spirit. The concept is to promote self-awareness. For example, if I consider the following statement by Solon to be true and I believe justice to be an ideal, then it is a trespass to allow myself an apathetic stance towards the plights of those I feel I have nothing in common with: �We can have justice whenever those who have not been injured by injustice are as outraged by it as those who have been.� Along with developing myself personally based upon these ideals, I must also find ways to actualize changes within the system I live in. No longer can I allow myself to remain idle while it is so glaringly obvious that changes must be made to this system. For so long I have led myself to believe that I cannot make changes to the world I was brought into. However, when this disturbing attitude creeps in, I must ask myself: �If not me, then who?�