2003-06-19 - 12:42 a.m.

I�ve got Achilles Tendonitis. Sounds horrid doesn�t it? It just means that my leg hurts when I run or walk. Which means I need to start cross training. Not too big of a deal, but I�m upset about missing out on my McKinley Park runs. Those are so often the highlight of my days. That reminds me. I tried to go for a run today and only made it a minute down the path before I had to hobble back to my bike. I walked past the basketball court along the way where there was a full court game going on. I sat down and watched the entire game. The energy of the game and the excitement absorbed me entirely.

Oh and later this evening, I absorbed some wonderful wine. Jess and I headed over to Michel Angelos, which is just over one street from me. It�s a small artsy restaurant with a nice wine selection. We drank strictly Barberas. Two very fine selections. One Italian and one Californian. We saved the cork from the half bottle of Copo Canelli (I think it was the �99 Barbera d'Asti Camp du Rouss) to act as a cornerstone to our new corken altar to good wine.

Oh wow. My head feels like a spring tick after a blood-feast it�s so inflated. Uber-inflated, I guess. Nathalie just made my day. Made me feel super. She said she envied my �intellectual capacity�. Some dude once said that �envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own.� Ah, if Nathalie only understood how mutual that feeling is. She had asked some questions that got me thinking about religion and god again. I like when people question my beliefs because explaining myself causes refinement, reinforcement or relinquishment of ideas. Essentially, it forces me to expand and learn. So the last few days I�ve been going down the road of religion and spirituality. The road seems vaguely familiar.

I think some of my fellow former J-Dubs are a little puzzled by my seemingly incongruous remarks about not really believing in an omnipotent father figure in the sky, yet also stating that I still worship Jehovah. If you�re not one of the puzzled few, you might want to bow out now. The following is hella boring. You see, the way I figure, it�s all in the name, right? I mean, if it were a Joanne or a Jonathon that I believed in, then it wouldn�t be so difficult to imagine. Anyway, in ancient Hebrew, the name Jehovah means �I am� or �He causes to be� and I feel that this name is harmonious with my belief in God. I believe that instead of there being a god, God is everything, it is �that which is.� Since �that which is� is merely what we perceive it to be and since we all conceive things in radically different ways we can think of there existing a multitude of �that which is�, perhaps even an infinite amount as far as we�re concerned. Who is it that �causes to be� but each organism capable of conceiving �that which is�? So, in this sense, �I am� God. I am �He that causes to be�. Jehovah. Get it? Ah�maybe I should spawn an offshoot cult of the Jay-Dubbidees that preaches narcissism as the only virtue. We will love god. We will love ourselves. Ahh�