2003-05-26 - 12:17 a.m.

�What distinguishes the majority of men from the few is their inability to act according to their beliefs.� � Henry Miller

Amen.

It�s beginning to dawn on me how much I share in common with that pathetic majority. I feel that I�ve done so much recently to form a solid and reasonable outlook on life, including the formation of ideals which, when combined, form the foundation of a belief system. I�m immensely proud of this accomplishment, but I see that in order for that belief system to actually benefit me, I have to allow it to move me to action. No longer can I permit the fear of change to suppress the actions that my beliefs dictate.

To this end, I�ve now decided what I�m going to do with my summer. At first, I thought I should get a part time job and spend the rest of my time goofing off and �enjoying� life. I figured that I could maybe find a job that would at least pay my monthly rent so that my little nest egg doesn�t vanish as quickly as it will at my current rate of spending. However, the primary purpose of this job was not to make money, but to expand my social pool, to bring in some fresh water in order to dilute the stagnant stuff that I�m currently swimming in. But, to continue the analogy, I realized that if I really wanted to freshen up my pool, I�d better make sure that the source of my new water wasn�t itself compromised by the impurities I�m trying to avoid. Nearly every job that I�ve considered is tainted by the fact that the goals of most places of employment (at least the places I was thinking of working) stand in opposition to my many of my values and beliefs. I am not going to martyr my values just to meet new people, especially those that unilaterally support the system(s) that I so often find repulsive. Wouldn�t that be defeating the purpose of getting the job in the first place?

So, after reviewing what it is that I want to accomplish, I think I�ve come up with a good solution. When I return from Massachusetts, I�m going to sign up to do volunteer work with some type of organization whose principles I agree with. That�ll help me meet people with whom I at least share an interest and perhaps even some with similar values as me. In order to not deplete my nest-egg at a lightning pace, I�ll do side work for my dad, setting up auctions and the like. Not full time work, but just some stuff here and there.

Oh, there is so much more to write about, so much going on inside my head. I guess I�ll just have to be a little more dedicated to writing them all down in my journal. It�s time for bed now. So, until next time�